(by Amber Dembowski)
A couple years ago I had a podcast. When Covid hit, I retired the podcast so that I could focus on my school and everything that needed to be considered through the pandemic. But back then, during the month of February, each podcast was inspired by a president. I called it my president series.
From this series, I also fell in love with the first ladies that I came across and learned more about. I’m truly intrigued by the Roosevelt’s, particularly Eleanor Roosevelt. Here is this young girl whose father was an alcoholic and later committed to an asylum -- whose mother died, then father died and finally brother died all within two years before she was the age of 10.
As an adult she was an advocate for those living in poverty and was involved in many social reform organizations. She later married only to become the First Lady and laid the land for the role of the First Lady from that point forward. She transformed the conventional role of First Lady from social hostess to more of an active participant. And I love this quote of hers:
We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time. Meeting each thing that comes up. And seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared. Discovering we have the strength to stare it down.
I absolutely love this! Because there are a ton of obstacles and challenges that cross our path as school leaders, right?! That gets in our way of continuous school improvement. That tries to stop us in our tracks, or prove to us that we aren’t good enough at leading a school, or reminding us that we’ve failed and made mistakes in the past. But Eleanor tells us to face it head on and to stare it down, and when we do we’ll realize we are a stronger and better school leader than we thought. Eleanor is amazing!
This quote from Eleanor was pulled from her book “You Learn by Living: 11 Keys for a More Fulfilling LIfe”, and in this book she also talked about how each challenge, each change, each readjustment, each surprise--good or bad--that came along should be welcomed as part of the whole enthralling experience of doing what we do as school leaders.
So when we are faced with difficulties, when we are exasperated at the end of the day because things are stressful, when we are overwhelmed with information, or anxious about an upcoming change -- we need to take Eleanor’s advice and stare it down, then take in a deep breath and be thankful that it is all a part of the wonderful experiences included with being a school leader. You will rise above and be better because of it.
I know it isn’t always easy. I mean, I’ve gone through my fair share of whining and complaining myself -- and who on earth finds delight in experiencing difficult situations??! Aside from the guy who plays the Mayhem part on the Allstate commercials, no one!
So, here’s the deal -- it’s not that we are thankful for the actual predicament, but we CAN be thankful for what we will learn from the situation.
It’s easy to hone in on the things you are grateful for when school is going well. A peaceful start to the day, happy students, motivated teachers, all positions filled, and appreciative parents are laced with blessings, right?
Just like acknowledging all the amazing things you are thankful for in your life, there is a great deal of insight when you feel gratitude in your hardest moments. It can actually be highly productive -- just like Eleanor was telling us!
There is so much to be learned from our past, or even current, painful experiences. And these experiences can be turned into gold if you’re willing to shift your perception just a bit. Even in the most difficult times, if you can slow things down in your mind just long enough to connect with your heart, you will be able to find something, even if it’s just a small shred of appreciation, that will pull you through.
Now, please know, it’s not about pretending that things are okay when they aren’t, and it’s not about ignoring the way you’re feeling when things aren’t good. But, it is good practice to reevaluate what is important for you to focus on at the end of the day to help you stay positive, calm, centered, and balanced.
All of this helps us see things not as dreadful as they appear, as Eleanor reminds us. But what about staring down those challenges? People often stumble over even the smallest of obstacles, while all too easily considering these routine speed-bumps as rational excuses for their failures. People spend time looking for a way around the issue, or wallowing in despair at the enormity of the challenge, instead of facing it. Even mundane things, like approving purchase orders, get ignored. Putting a challenge off doesn’t make it go away. This is true of big challenges, as well as the small ones. The most important thing you can do is face what’s in front of you head on.
Setbacks and difficulties are an inevitable part of being a school leader, my friend. While they will often challenge your skills and temperament, it is those who are willing to spend the time assessing the obstacles as they arise, and who refuse to submit to their various trials who will succeed and truly get to reap the benefits of school improvement.
The truth of the matter is, the only thing required to get beyond barriers is to stop complaining about the challenges and obstacles, and spend your time solving problems and creating outcome based solutions. And then, here’s the kicker: not resent the fact that you spent the extra time finding the solution, but be thankful for it!! See how this all coincides? It all fits together like cog and wheels.
Setbacks are part of school life – they happen to all school leaders. When they happen to you, it’s important to understand you are not being singled out. Don’t take it personally, deal with it, and move on.
And then, turn setbacks into learning opportunities by reflecting positively about it, like:
What are the positives surrounding this situation?
How can I make the most of this situation?
What can I learn from it?
What are the facts underlying this problem?
How can I avoid this situation next time?
Here’s the real secret, my friend: Those who face challenging tasks have found a way to avoid seeing these activities as challenges. And it’s not because they have anything over you or are better than you. And it has nothing to do with a particular skill set or know-how. It’s all about mindset.
Here’s one more big secret … which I shared with a couple of 6th grade girls who made a trip to my office the other day …. Stressing about the potential outcome is often what turns a molehill into a mountain. Once you shift your focus to the thing you’re actually doing, instead of the result, the most intimidating parts of the predicament start to disappear. The hypothesized outcome brings emotion with it. When you attach emotions to the problem, it has power over you. If you simply perform the task at hand without worrying about the outcome, you have power over the situation.
Here it is again. Because it's good stuff:
We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time. Meeting each thing that comes up. And seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared. Discovering we have the strength to stare it down.
When you’re having a rough day or come across a tough situation at school, or are feeling pushed or pulled, or even negative about something around you … stop to check your mindset. Take time to notice what you appreciate, and don’t view the challenges as challenges.
With the right attitude and thoughtful practices, you can guide yourself through difficult times and be a much happier and more successful school leader on the other side.
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