Creating a Habit of Being Grateful for the Firsts and Lasts

(by Amber Dembowski)

The cycle of life is earmarked by our ‘firsts’ and ‘lasts’.  Firsts. Lasts. Firsts. Lasts.  Round and round it goes.

The two , First and Last, are too big to fit through the window of opportunity together.  When First is ready to take the big leap through the gaping door with the illuminated red arrow and the flashing marquee reading, “opportunity, opportunity, opportunity” … First goes.  Duh. She’s large and in charge. Leaving no room for Last to go with her.  Honestly, (we don’t like to make him feel insecure), Last won’t fit.  Last is, should I say … oversized.  Big-boned.  No matter how much he tries to suck it in, he can’t go.  I mean, think about it …

When you get your first kiss, you leave the simple days of cooties and “no boys allowed” behind.  When you move into your first place, you also said goodbye to toilet paper and hand soap magically appearing whenever needed. When you start your first teaching position, binge watching Gilmore Girls until 3 AM is no longer feasible. First leaves no room for Last.  Poor guy.

It’s this time of year when many educators will be experiencing A LOT of firsts and lasts.  Some teachers are navigating their classroom for the last time, with their first days of retirement ahead of them.  Some principals are planning their last school events before they transition to their first role as a district administrator.  I, personally, am working through some of these lasts and firsts right now.  I’m transitioning from a principal role to a mentor for school leaders across the United States.  Lots of lasts at the end of this era of my career, followed by lots of firsts.  I’ve had to reason with the fact that no matter how much Last tries, he’s just a tub, that simply won’t fit.  All the Lasts can’t come along.  Unfortunately.

All of this reminds me of a podcast I did in 2019 called One Last Time. Although I don’t carry the host where the podcasts live anymore, you can still find them on iHeart radio if you’re interested, under Amber D’s Monday Mindset.  Anyway, back in 2019, this podcast, “One Last Time,”  was inspired by teachers who were leaving due to retirements or taking on new roles, and some of the podcast was rooted in conversations with my own family about our own lasts.  

Because sometimes we’re ready for it, and other times … well, it’s like when the host of The Apprentice becomes the President of the United States. Not. Ready.

I also wasn’t ready for my father-in-law's death back in 2003.  That feels like a lifetime ago now, but when I think about this moment, it’s still close to the surface of my heart.  It just rests on the edge, you know? 

To give some context,  Rex and I have been dating since we were almost 15. During this same time, one day, I came home to a house empty of all of my dad’s belongings.  He had left us to go be with his mistress.  Rex’s dad became the next closest thing to a father figure through my high school and college years.  He was a part of my life for 11 years before he passed. He was an amazing man and I loved him dearly.  He died of cancer right after he turned 50 years old.  It progressed quickly and he moved out of state to a cancer center to fight it.  

At the time of his illness, Rex and I were married and I was pregnant. Not just a casual pregnant.  My belly was a vinegar-and-baking-soda- rocket-science-experiment pregnant. No one on a Southwest flight wants to hear the words “this is going to hurt” spoken to a 36-month pregnant woman screaming in pain.  Frankly, let’s just leave Southwest out of it.  Not a single soul wants to be witness to that.  Hence, travel restrictions.  Hence, not getting to visit Rex’s dad during his last days. 

My heart still shatters when I think about it, because honestly, I don’t remember that last time.  The last time I got to see him before he moved to the cancer center out of state. 

The intimate lasts that you know happened, but don’t remember happening, creates an achy-ness around the heart. The lasts that you can relish are a little easier.  

My family and I recently returned from a trip to Zion National Park.  Talk about a beautiful place!  My daughters are both in college and adulting now.  They both are in serious relationships.  So the reality of it is, this MAY be our last family vacation with just the 4 of us.  We don’t know for sure, but we talked about it, soaked up each second with each other, and clanked glasses to ‘us’ over dinner.  We relished in our possible ‘last’.

It was Rex, many years ago, that started talking about wanting to pay more attention to all of the lasts.  The simple lasts.

Like, the last time you get to wear your favorite white shirt before it gets coffee stained and you have to get rid of it.  Or the last time you eat a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell because it’s been removed from the menu.  How about the last time you hear the word mommy coming from your daughter’s mouth because she grew up overnight and now all she says is ‘brah’.  

There are so many lasts every single day that we aren’t prepared for.  We aren’t ready for them to be our lasts.  And we often don’t have the foresight to know that we should be treasuring those moments.

I’m entering a new chapter in my life, as are, I’m sure, many of you. And these new chapters often give us the gift of savored moments, because we know it’s coming.  It gives us the gift of appreciating everything that’s currently in our life that may not be there tomorrow.

And for those who are on the same path tomorrow as you were yesterday – pause to recognize the beautiful moments right in front of you.  Many of them may be an unknown last. 

Today could be Gabriel’s last day in your class.  Or it could be Michelle’s last day to bring the peanut butter salted caramel pretzel brownie to the monthly luncheon.  With staff needs evolving, it could be your last year of teaching 2+2 before you’re asked to transition to teaching 2x(2+2). Or, it could be the last Friday you wear your Cougars t-shirt, because you’re moving schools and becoming a Bobcat.

Here’s the key, my friend, taking time to notice and appreciate doesn’t need to be saved for the big things or for times when you know it will be the last.  The habit of being grateful starts with appreciating every good thing in life and recognizing that there is nothing too small for you to be thankful for. In fact, expressing gratitude is 1 of 12 science based happiness strategies. You can grab your free happiness resource HERE.

And, remind yourself that, this moment may be a once in a lifetime moment. Embrace it for the true blessing and amazing gift that it is.